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Honestly? I have NO idea what I'm going to write. Haha I just felt like typing.
In beginning acting we are working on writing monologs (aside the flashmob that will go on on tuesday.) and I've gotton really into it! Like, I've always thought I was a novelist and a novelist only, right? But seriously, to be honest I've only finished one of my so called novels and I LOVE writing monologs. Taping into people feeling, what they think, what they see. It puts the world in a whole new perspective and I've been LOVING it! So, I thought I'd just show you've what i've been working on.
What I just wrote.


Orange, and pink, and a dash of lilac. That's all I see as I steadily think of you. Sitting here, where we used to sit, watching a sunset like so many we've watched together. And I'm thinking of nothing but you. Your perfect smile, Your contagious laugh, your gorgeous blue eyes, and this sunset, it seems so... different. But its really not unlike any of the others. The only difference is that your hand is not in mine, and your not in the drivers seat next to me. Your there, up there, somewhere in the sunset.

Okay, so I have to admit something. Ive kinda become a... ugh.... shutter..... ramance writer. Uhhh. Haha. Something I thought I'd never become. It's weird, I must be a serious teenage girl because thats all I write about, romance or death. I dont know, I feel like those are the only things that I can write about to keep in the little box. Something to bring people to tears and say,"wow. this is GOOD"

This next one, is called, walls.

I walk backwards untill my back brushes the wall. I put all my weight against it and slide down untill I'm sitting, my thighs pulled up against my chest, my chin resting on my knees. Take me away, I plead, Take me away. Let me disappear into this wall, blend in and never come out. Never again. I close my eyes and let my thoughts wander. Wander far away from my body and any other mortal being. I don't want to be here anymore. My only rocks, foundations, safe houses, have been taken away. I dont have anyone to lean on and it taks years for me to trust in people. I don't have years, heck, I might not even have minutes.
Minutes. I think... and thinking. Very strange things. I have once planned out my life, not opening my eyes untill it was 100% perfect. When I did, only two minutes had passed. Two mintues. Two minutes to plan a perfect life. Thats how fast th human brain thinks. Thats why it only took seconds to decide a plan. A plan to ruin my life, to end it.

Yeah, That ones alittle dark.. haha.. two more I wanna share. They are just kinda about high school drama that I've experienced or seen people go through.

First is called forever and always.
I thought what we had going was good. Apparently not good enough. You turned to her without a second thought and see welcomed you with open arms. Knowing all about me. And i honestly hate her for it. Now, I sit back and try to be your best friend. Its getting harder. Im tired of people stopping me in the halls to tell me a new horror story they think I "diserve" to know. But I don't really want to know anymore. You swear they arent true and I want to believe you, because of the fact that your my best friend, not them. But all my other friends know a different the story and see that I'm still talking to you, they look at me as if I'm weak and desperate. So, what to do? I can't really take all this crap much longer. You broke your promise, anyway. I am still here though... and I promised you I always would be. No matter what, but still. This is getting to be a little much. When did this friendship become complicated? When did it go from being me and you to being me, you, her, them and EVERYONE else? But, unlike some, I will keep my promise. Me and you. Spongebob and patrick. Harry and Ron. Tom and Jerry. Ally and Austin. Your my best friend, forever and always.


A DANGER SIGN.
You stand infront of me, like a danger sign. You are off-limits, already called, no good, not to be spoken to. I knew that from day one. But thats the promblem, right? If no one had mentioned you to me and me to you. We might ave never looked or talked to eachother. I almost wish they hadnt. I wouldnt be standing here trying to decided what to do, tell you I like you more then this or walk away like I've been instructed to a million times. "Bad kid" "fake" Horible words like those echo in my head like swear words as I stare at you and your perfect hair and teeth that took years in the makeing. No one knows how comforting your words are. I stand here, asking my self if its all worth it. If you alone are worth ruining other relationships I've built up. From your ex best friend who I thought loved me to my best friend who loves you. So likeable, and charming and kind, but evil and corrupting like the said. Corrupting, "To destroy or subvert the honesty or integrety of-" I look at your past and mine, but more so my future. Are you even in it? Over the past weeks I've come to befriend and trust you. Is that trust worth "destroying my integrity?"
Tell me, are you worth it??



Thanks for listening! Or reading! Please contact me and tell me what you think. I'D LOVE FEEDBACK!
Till next time.